


Parallel Lines

by phoenix810, phoenixshizaya (phoenix810)



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Caretaking, Children, Children of Characters, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, First Love, First Time, Foe Yay, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Men Crying, POV First Person, Same-Sex Marriage, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:25:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4668206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix810/pseuds/phoenix810, https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix810/pseuds/phoenixshizaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slipping the key into the keyhole, I pushed open the door to my apartment and stepped inside. About to toe off my shoes I stopped in shock as a sight that floored me welcomed me home.<br/>"Shizu...chan...?" I asked faintly, my powers of speech nearly failing me."<br/>Izaya returns home one night to find his entire world changed - especially his relationship with Shizuo Heiwajima. How much of a difference is there between nature and nurture? How much can one's world change based on one small decision?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little tidbit to start off!  
> I just returned to the fanfic writing world after a (very) long break - I am excited to return and I hope you will enjoy reading this!

"Ya know, you don't have to wear that if you don't want to," he said, nodding towards the wedding band on my left hand.

I swallowed, for some reason my chest felt tight. "What do you mean?" I asked stupidly. I glanced down at the familiar twist of metal - what was once one of the rings I always wore on my index finger.

He shrugged, seemingly nonchalant, but I could see the underlying pain in his golden eyes that he tried to mask in front of me. "If it holds no meaning for you, why wear it, right? So, if you want, you can give it to me and I'll keep it somewhere safe...until he returns to me." Quickly stubbing out the rest of his cigarette in an ashtray sitting on a small table, Shizuo hurriedly went back inside the apartment, leaving me alone with his words and my thoughts in the chill evening air. I couldn't blame him...I wouldn't want to stay near someone I had discovered was the imposter of my lover, either.


	2. Induction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden wave of dizziness came over me. A feeling of imminent danger crawled up my spine.

Evening in Ikebukuro. A gentle breeze brushed through the locks of my hair as I lightly tripped along the street on my way back home for the night after finishing a job. This had been a good night. I had successfully closed a deal for the Awakusu-kai that was fairly tricky to negotiate and was feeling well satisfied with myself and the world around me. I watched my lovely humans as they hurried along on their various life paths as I curiously wondered what those life paths were all about. I looked for the answers written on their faces and in their body language. Were they joyful…despairing…challenging…boring…lost? Who was their important someone? What were they looking for in life? Because I knew that everyone in life was searching for something. I never grew tired of all the possibility that lay in studying my beloved human beings who constantly surrounded me. People were such an interesting puzzle in this grand game called life. 

Of course, out of the corner of my eye, I also kept a watch for the one person I did not love. Shizu-chan. Well…he could not be called a human being anyway, ne? After all, he was a monster. Or a beast. But definitely not human. And therefore not worthy of my love. Only of my hatred. As I was still in Ikebukuro, I was still in his territory and with his penchant for always sniffing me out (so beast-like), I was quite aware of the danger I was in. I kept my senses on high alert just in case I needed to make a fast exit before I was able to cross safely back into Shinjuku. He was the last person I felt like meeting right now. I wasn’t in the mood to mess with him tonight. 

Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. 7:58 PM. I had enough time to catch the next train to Shinjuku if I took a shortcut. I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night and was pretty exhausted so taking the train instead of walking sounded pretty good to me right now. For some reason lately, something was keeping me up at night – these racing thoughts that provided an uncomfortable lullaby. But by morning, I could never remember what they were…what were they? Last night had been even worse…

I turned a corner into a dark alleyway. As I walked, my senses started prickling with the strangest feeling. I just couldn’t describe it. Placing one hand into the coat pocket where I kept my trusty switchblade and wrapping my hand around it, I glanced behind me. No, no one was even around me in the alleyway – I was completely alone. What was this feeling? 

Sticking both my hands in my pant pockets, I began to walk faster. That gentle breeze was starting to pick up fast around me, the wind beginning to swirl around, whipping the locks of my hair into a frenzy. Trash and cigarette butts and remnants of other things began to be picked up as the gusts grew stronger. I suddenly heard a crack like thunder and a bright flash around me like lightning and froze with wide eyes. What the hell? Was this a freak storm? 

A sudden wave of dizziness came over me. A feeling of imminent danger crawled up my spine. My vision began to blur and my balance became so unsteady that I stumbled in my hurry to get out of the alley. I felt myself hit the ground hard as the dizziness grew stronger. I felt a feeling like fog overcoming my brain – my ability to produce any clear thought quickly growing impossible. My sight was fading to black; my last glimpse of the world was another bright, lightning-like flash that briefly illuminated the world. All of my limbs grew weak…I couldn’t even struggle, I realized with a feeling of horror that crashed over me - even though I desperately wanted to fight it. I could feel trembles coursing through my body. Was this it? Was I going to die? Or was something even worse going to happen to me? 

Fully collapsed on the ground, I gave in to the darkness, wondering if I would ever wake up again….clinging to the hope that I would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap in updating! That was very not intentional - life got in the way. I hope and intend for updates to come sooner!  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments! I hope you will enjoy!


	3. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pushed myself to my feet, still feeling rather unsteady. My legs felt weak and as if they were about to give out any second.

Opening my eyes, the world came into focus much too slowly. I blinked a few times trying to clear my vision fully. It looked like I was in an alley. I blinked some more into the poorly lit dimness of the small side street. I saw scattered trash that had been blown all about near me and an overturned trash bin by a building wall. 

What? Did I pass out or something? What happened? I felt the hard street beneath my cheek and tried to quickly push myself up with both of my arms, but once I did I winced as a sharp pain lanced through my head. I grit my teeth and clutched my head in my hand. Ugh, what happened to me? Try to remember, Izaya…you have to know…

Sitting up more, I paused to try to think, but the pain in my head was making my thought process incredibly slow. My head felt like it had been smashed by a vending machine. What I wouldn’t have done for a cup of strong coffee to erase this fuzz from my brain. I also felt inexplicably chilled to the bone. 

I remembered finishing a deal…and I was heading home…and then I decided to catch the train and I needed to take a shortcut to the station. Right…there was this weird storm – flash of lightning and the sound of thunder crashing through my head - when I entered the alleyway…and I got really dizzy. I don’t remember anything after that. Well, I guess it wasn’t yet time to say goodbye to the world. 

Ugh…ok…I need to get home right away. Spending my time in this dingy alley ruminating won’t do me much good. I pushed myself to my feet, still feeling rather unsteady. My legs felt weak and as if they were about to give out any second. I waited for a moment to steady myself and gather some energy. I patted myself down just to check if my person was all right and nothing untoward had happened to me while I was passed out in this alleyway. Hopefully no one had cared to harm me while I was unconscious and prone. I started patting down my pockets and seeing if all of my personal items were still on me. Ok, my wallet was still there – good. Cash was there, cards, etc. Good, good. Smiling slightly to myself I started checking my coat pockets. No flickblade. No throwing knives. What? Seriously? Would someone really take my knives but nothing from my wallet? I don’t get it. I narrowed my blood-red eyes in confusion. I visually inspected my body and suddenly saw that the rings that normally adorned my long fingers were missing. Not that they were exceedingly expensive – but hey, I loved those rings. So, they stole my knives and rings? No wait…I do have one ring…on my left ring finger. Wait what? “The hell?” I breathed out loud to the empty alleyway. Is this a joke? Did they take one ring then place my other one on my left ring finger as a joke? Whoever did this is as twisted as I am…yeesh.

Ugh, ok, whatever. Need to get home. The important thing is I’m okay. And I can’t forget this is still Shizu-chan’s territory. I can figure the rest out later. 

**********

Home. Slipping the key into the keyhole, I pushed open the door to my apartment and stepped inside. About to toe off my shoes, I stopped in shock as a sight that floored me welcomed me home. 

"Shizu...chan...?" I asked faintly, my powers of speech nearly failing me. Every muscle in my body was paralyzed.


	4. Invasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Plus, I was extremely irritated at my home – my sanctuary - being invaded by my worst enemy..."

"Oh hey, you're home late," Shizuo stepped close to me, as a stared up at him stupidly. He was dressed casually, wearing just a blue t-shirt with a short sleeve white button down on top over blue jeans. Seeing him out of his bartender uniform was not the weird sight though...what was weird was firstly...the wide smile that graced his face as he approached me and secondly...the small, blonde haired baby he carefully held against his shoulder. My mouth hung open as he reached out with his free arm to ruffle my hair; then, even more baffling to me, leaned in close to brush his lips against my cheek before tenderly saying, "Flea."

The hell? If this were a manga, I would have question marks flying out of my body in every single direction - I was so damned confused. This is not the way things work between us – not the type of relationship we have – to say the least! Walking away, Shizuo headed towards the kitchen, not yet noticing my dumbfounded appearance. "You hungry? Since you didn't call or anything to say when you'd be home, I finished feeding the kids. But I'll reheat dinner for us."

Consciously willing my muscles to start moving, I swung the door open and rechecked the apartment number. Yep, my apartment all right. Okay…am I dreaming? This has to be some kind of bizarre nightmare. A nightmare where I’m living with Shizu-chan? Urck. Maybe I was still passed out in that dingy alleyway. I pinched myself sharply on the forearm. Yowch. Okay – definitely awake. But in what the hell kind of a screwed up world I had no idea. I mean, what the hell is Shizu-chan doing in my apartment acting like he lived here? And who is that kid he's holding? And why in hell was he kissing me? My brain felt like it was going to implode from the multiple impossibilities I had been confronted with in the space of a few minutes.

Deciding to err on the side of caution while I figured out what the hell was going on, I sucked in a deep breath to try to clear my head and slipped my shoes off near the doorway. Normally my first reaction when I was near Shizuo would have been one of either attack or defense. But nothing about this situation was remotely adding up to anything sensible. I immediately went into super observation mode while quelling my feelings of unease and took note of every little change in my apartment. Near where I left my shoes were another set of men's shoes, larger than mine, obviously Shizuo's. Next to them were two child size pairs of shoes - were there other children here I hadn't seen yet? I slipped off my coat and hung it by the door where I also noticed two child sized coats next to a baby sized one. Hmm…

Walking cautiously, wondering when Shizuo would come to his senses, dump the kid and try to smash me, I went further into my apartment. My home was mostly as I left it but there were small changes that left an eerie feeling. In the living room, I could see it was fairly clean although not as immaculate as I normally kept it. My sharp eyes caught titles I did not recognize on the bookshelves. Children’s toys were scattered on the floor, coffee table and couch. Before I could observe more a ball of energy suddenly assaulted my legs.

“Mama! You’re home! You’re home! Fiiinnnaallllyyy! We’ve been waiting so long!,” a small boy, probably about three or four, wrapped his arms about my leg and clutched it as if for dear life. My first instinct was to shake him off but I willed myself to stay still. And…Mama? 

…

I don’t even have words for that one.

Me. Orihara Izaya. At a loss for words.

I mean, come on. I’m a guy. Can’t this kid see that? Why am I trapped in this nightmare? Because that has got to be what this is. One where I can’t pinch myself awake, I mean.

I took a closer look at the child clutching my leg with his grip of death. My eyes widened when I realized something. He was like a miniature version of – me. 

…

My mind flipped to pictures I had seen of myself taken in childhood – he looked exactly like me. Hair, facial structure, body. Everything was the same. Everything except the eye color. That was a startling shade of pink. Pink?

He was garbed in white and…pink. White pants and a white coat with a hood surrounded by pink furry trim similar to my own favorite jacket in style.

It was almost surreal seeing a child who looked so much like me. 

“Hi, Mama. I’m glad you’re home,” another voice said, much softer and calmer. I felt a small hand take mine.

Looking beside me I saw another child, this one appearing to be about five or six years old. He had blonde hair like the baby, seemed tall for his age, and for all intents and purposes looked like a small version of Shizu-chan. Except his eyes were a beautiful shade of blue. He was dressed in a turquoise and white kimono. 

Suddenly the grip on my leg loosened and the little ball of energy was gone but suddenly I was greeted with a face-full of furry…kitten. “Mama…say hi to Eiko-chan,” before dashing off again.

And then I was greeted with a face-full of feathery…bird. “Mama…say hi to Piiko-chan,” before taking off yet again.

And **THEN** I was greeted with a face-full of fuzzy…hamster. “Mama…say hi to Puchi-chan,” before taking off **YET** again. 

Wait…are all of these animals even allowed to be in one apartment in this building?

I felt a tug at the hem of my shirt. “Mama, Mama, today Deli-chan threw up on me. It was really gross.”

“Psyche-chan, I told you it’s not throw up…” the blonde haired child said patiently. “It’s spit up not throw up. It’s different.”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is.”

“ **No!!** ”

“Yes.”

The mini-me was getting even more excitable while the mini-Shizu was just staying calm while they argued. It was giving me even more of a headache; I just wanted them to stop. Hearing the commotion, Shizu-chan came out of the kitchen, the baby still on his arm, a stern but somehow kind (huh?) look on his face. I’d definitely never seen him wear such a strange expression on his face before. “Boys…” he said quietly, yet with authority. Both boys hushed suddenly and looked up at him. “Psyche-chan, what have I told you?”

The mini-me, Psyche, I take it, put his little hands behind his back and lowered his face, “Not to keep fighting with Tsu-chan…”

“And what were you doing?”

“Fighting with Tsu-chan…”

“Tsugaru-chan was right, so what do we say to him?”

Psyche then looked up at the mini-Shizu, rather, Tsugaru, with his big eyes, stepped over to him and took his hand in his, and said quietly, “Sorry, Tsu-chan.” He completed the apology with a soft kiss on the blonde’s cheek.

The blonde child smiled softly at the dark haired boy, ruffled his hair a bit and also gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. I watched, again taken aback at the unusual sight of Shizu-chan smiling warmly at the boys, looking pleased that the small storm had quickly blown over. My jaw was nearly on the floor with how calmly he had handled the whole matter. The Shizu-chan I knew would have blown his top in one second flat. He then said, “Okay boys, how about you stop harassing your mother for a few moments since he just got home after a long day and I’m sure he’s tired. Tsugaru, why don’t you take your brother and read to him for a bit.”

“Okay, Papa. Come on, Psyche-chan.” Taking his brother by the hand, he led him over to the bookshelf where they began looking over the shelves. 

I felt Shizu-chan’s eyes on me and saw that same warm smile directed at my person. Awkward. It made me jump internally and for some reason my heart gave a strange pang. I forced myself to give him a shaky smile in return and searched for an excuse to get away from him as soon as possible – and away from those crazy kids. “Ne, um, I’m going to go change and clean up a bit before dinner, okay?”

Shizu-chan just smiled more and nodded with an okay. I studied his face looking for any sign of subterfuge – or well, anything really, that would give me a clue…but I found nothing but a sincere smile. It made my heart pang again. Before he could turn away my gaze slipped down to his left hand where something glinted on his ring finger. Was that…my missing ring? How in hell did he get it? And why was he wearing it like a wedding band? Before I could think on it more he turned and headed back to the kitchen. Ugh, all of these questions and no answers was driving me up a wall. Plus, I was extremely irritated at my home – my sanctuary - being invaded by my worst enemy and these little monsters. I have got to figure out what is going on and fast. I will beat Shizu-chan at whatever game he is playing. After all, he’s in my territory now. I just need some time to think. Sighing, I hurried up the stairs and escaped into my bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the appearance of Shizu-chan...and the kiddos! And even their pets! Yay! :)


	5. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And all of a sudden I was surrounded by memories of..."us..."...I uneasily twirled the wedding band around my finger as walked the room, studying the artifacts of a relationship and a life that wasn’t mine scattered about me.

Closing the door behind me, I sagged against it for a moment, breathing out a sigh of relief. All of these bizarre happenings were leaving my head spinning – especially one in particular: Shizu-chan making his incredibly nice gestures towards me. It was seriously throwing me for a loop. The Shizu-chan I was familiar with would be kind to me when the world was coming to an end. I didn’t know how to react with him behaving so nicely to me. I felt it put me in such a precarious position where I completely did not know how to react towards him yet still needed to interact with him with all of my masks firmly and carefully in place not revealing a mere crack of how I truly felt about this crazy situation I found myself in. 

Who knew that all Shizu-chan had to do to throw me off was be nice to me? Heh yes…truly a pathetic weakness. 

The one saving grace seemed to be that my wits seemed to still be at full capacity – always my strongest trait to call upon in times of need. I was in a strange and undoubtedly dangerous situation to be sure – I would need my wits at their best. A situation I would hopefully find my way out of as soon as possible – I was certainly not liking this version of the world so far since waking in that alley. I took a quick glance around my bedroom – taking in my surroundings for any changes.

Wait, did I see my? I should have said “our”. Because it was obvious THIS bedroom belonged to two people, not one, like my own bedroom from my memories. My own bed had always been big, but this one was even bigger. Scattered around the room were items that quite obviously did not belong to me. And somehow this room had a more – lived in feel to it…

Ugh – doesn’t matter. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts of useless things, I opened the closet and rifled through the clothes. Half of the closet was filled with clothes that were quite obviously Shizu-chan’s size. Going through the clothes on “my” side of the closet, I realized that there was a section of shirts and pants that were abnormally…large. Now, I know for a fact I have never gone through an overweight stage. I’ve always been very particular about watching my diet and weight. Strange…

My eyes slid down to my left hand with my ring upon its ring finger. Gently slipping it off, I held it before my eyes, inspecting it. Spotting an engraving on the inner surface, I held it up to the light to get a better view. "OHI & HS 8/12/09" I swallowed thickly and nearly dropped the circle of metal, quickly trying to catch it again in the palm of my hand. HS – obviously for Heiwajima Shizuo. 8/12/09 – a wedding date? And OHI. Orihara Heiwajima Izaya.

…

Well at least in whatever whacky world I was in I still somewhat retained my last name. The world hadn’t gone completely nuts while I was passed out.

I glared at the ring in my hand, feeling a strange combination of nauseated while my heart beat raced within me. 

Well, I guess until I figure out what is going on I need to keep wearing the damn thing.

Spotting a number of pictures scattered about the room, I decided to see what clues they could give me about this decidedly bizarre situation. Here was a clear opportunity.

And all of a sudden I was surrounded by memories of..."us..."...I uneasily twirled the wedding band around my finger as walked the room, studying the artifacts of a relationship and a life that wasn’t mine scattered about me. Photos were everywhere...each one intriguing to me in its own way. 

One was a collage that looked to be from high school graduation. We both looked impossibly young. One was of me...I mean, a counterpart of me, obviously having mischievously stolen Shizu-chan’s diploma and triumphantly holding both of theirs while he looked back in surprise. Another was of my other self grabbing Shizu-chan around the waist happily; the diplomas flying out of his grasp unnoticed. The third was of my counterpart with his arms about Shizu-chan's neck, a thoroughly happy smile on his face. And even when Shizu-chan looked surprised or not so happy with him...there was none of the hate of which I was so familiar with. He looked full of life in a way I knew that deep down inside, he was as happy as my look-a-like outwardly showed in those photos. 

High school…so many years since we…

Anyway. There was a second collage. We (and yes, I use that term loosely) both looked older and like our relationship was established. The first set appeared to be a birthday party - for….me? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had a party thrown for me. It must have been when I was still a small child and my parents had still bothered.

Once again shaking myself of my wool-gathering, I studied the pictures. One had myself dressed up in a blazer and standing opening the door apparently greeting Shizu-chan, who was dressed in his typical bartender getup. The second was of him apparently trying to feed me (force feed?) the strawberry off a cake. The third must have been later in the party where both of us were laying relaxing on the floor amidst scattered streamers and confetti – myself now sans blazer, just with it around my shoulders, and playing with my phone, and Shizu-chan without his bow tie and his vest and shirt unbuttoned revealing a toned chest and abdomen. What was most notable was the way Shizu-chan was lounging with his head on my lap.

Ugh. That feeling of nausea and racing heartbeat just grew.

I turned my attention to the second set of pictures. This seemed to be a more casual setting. I was in my normal black clothes while Shizu-chan was in casual dress – a white long sleeved shirt and black pants. The first picture had us sitting back to back on the floor, myself wrapped in a blanket with a towel covering my head and once again playing on my phone; Shizu-chan smoking and holding a drink in his hand. The second was taken from the back so you couldn’t see my face, but I was still wrapped in the blanket and standing up to hold Shizu-chan about the waist. Shizu-chan was half turned so you could see his profile and him gesturing as if he was talking to someone. The third we were both on the floor again, Shizu-chan seated while still smoking; myself lying down with my head resting on his lap and lightly holding his hand in mine. I bent closer to study the pictures – especially the last one. What was most remarkable were the expressions on our faces – especially mine. I looked so…content…and happy. At peace. It was right there in my eyes. I looked like everything in my world was right and there was nowhere else I would rather be – and with no one else. 

Like everything I needed was right there beside me.

I’ve spent my whole life studying people enough to read the body language and expressions clear as day.

I can’t remember a time in my life where I would have felt something that would have brought that expression to my face.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t searching for something – most of the time what, I had no clue.

The sick feeling within me just grew and I moved on from that set of photos. 

I found another that appeared to be a wedding photograph. Both of us were dressed up in tuxes looking very classy and posed for a formal picture. Very standard. But yet again what was amazing were the expressions. We both looked so…in love. So…  
Happy.

Ugh. I shook my head and moved on to another. Next was a formal portrait which had both of us and a baby. I was in front of Shizu-chan holding the baby – this one appeared to be the blonde, blue eyed one – Tsugaru. Shizu-chan from behind also with a hand helping hold up the child. While the baby looked into the camera with the blank look of a typical young infant, I had a gentle smile and Shizu-chan positively grinned. Both of our eyes evinced utter and complete happiness. I continued on.

The next one was a portrait of the two of us and a baby – it looked like the dark-haired child, Psyche, when he was a newborn. I was holding the child in my arms and was resting my cheek against him. Shizu-chan was standing near – protectively. Yet again – our expressions. There was such a feeling of quiet peace in the picture. Love. Tenderness. It was…beautiful…

Among the feelings of nausea and a racing heart I also realized a growing feeling of irritation as I traversed the room. But for the life of me I couldn’t say why. All I knew was something in me wanted to wipe the happy smile off that other me that accompanied Shizu-chan.

These photos – Shizu-chan was nearly unrecognizable to me. How interesting. Where was the man of violence and bad repute I knew? All I saw was someone who seemed happy, loving and in turn…loved. As for my other self…

No. I resolved to give that line of thinking as little thought as possible. It was not in my nature to dwell on pointless things. 

I sagged onto a corner of the bed, completely deflating. What was going on here? Is this some kind of joke? Did Shizu-chan plan this? Perhaps he managed to hire some people to come in here, rearrange my apartment, somehow got ahold of some random kids that somehow looked like him and myself, and did this all within the time while I was passed out in that alley. This was an attack on me.

But no…Shizu-chan was entirely not smart enough to come up with an elaborate plan like that, never mind have the organizational skills plus the money to put it all into place. I checked my phone. I wasn’t even passed out that long. There was no way all of that could have been done in that short period of time. A plan like that was more along the lines of something I would have done – but not him. It was just not even within his capabilities nor his style.

So, then, what the hell WAS going on? How is it that I could pass out and end up having the world around me be completely changed this way?

I pulled out my phone from my pocket and scrolled through it to see if there was anything that might give me a hint about was going on here. Finding it locked with an unusual passcode, I had to break through the password protection to access the phone in the first place. I went to the text messages and skimmed through them for anything of interest. There were a lot from Shizu-chan. Most pretty mundane and short – every day type chatter. Requests to pick things up from the store, stuff about the kids, texts saying I love you (yuck). Other messages were from what looked to be friends but I recognized some names and I didn’t recognize others – requests to go for coffee or dinner, friendly news and gossip, and the like. Strange. As horrid as it may sound, I really don’t consider anyone a close friend. There’s only one person I’d call a friend at all and he’s not particularly close to me – that would be Shinra. Some messages were from people like Celty who can’t stand me, from my sisters who I was never close to, or even Tanaka Tom or Shizu-chan’s brother, Kasuka, who I really was not acquainted with. Very odd. Others were more business related it seemed. Except, not my business. They were to contacts I was not familiar with and had nothing to do with gathering or distributing information. They seemed to have more to do with psychology and psychiatry and were connected with the academic world. Interesting…I began to flip through the contact list. Many names were very familiar to me, but many I had never heard of. I also realized that there were familiar names missing. For example, Shiki’s information was totally missing.

The most recent ones were a congratulatory message from Celty for some paper (what paper?) and a reminder from Shinra about an upcoming medical exam (typical).Another was from an unknown who seemed like a friend saying it had been awhile and asking to meet up to spend time. The last was from Mairu saying how disappointed she and Kururi were that I never showed up to meet with them and scolding me for breaking my promise. (Since when were my sisters bothered with spending time with me? I had always figured they lived in their own little world that consisted of the two of them.) 

I’ll admit I felt a bit thrown that many of the contacts I normally relied upon were now missing. Huffing a sigh, I flipped my phone closed. 

Realizing that Shizu-chan would be waiting for me and not wanting him to come looking for me while I was lost in thought like this and to give away that something was wrong, I decided to jump into the shower and change. I couldn’t hide up here forever. I needed to continue this charade for a little longer. Plus, I needed to gather more information on just what the hell was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for the long break in posting! I got very busy in between and all my writing projects got put on hold between the holidays and acting gigs and auditions and traveling. I really do apologize and hope some people are still interested in reading this fic. 
> 
> Several of the Shizaya photographs I describe in Izaya's room are inspired by RL Shizaya fanart! I do not know the actual artist's name for the last one and for this I apologize. If said artist ever happens to stumble upon my humble story, if you would like, please send me your name or some other type of ID so I may give you the credit you deserve! Please, dear artists, never stop sharing your lovely and inspiring art with the world!
> 
> High school collage - by Monokuropengin: http://www.zerochan.net/1674166  
> Adult collage - by Monokuropengin: http://www.zerochan.net/1869849  
> Portrait with Psyche: http://axl1201.deviantart.com/art/Shizaya-Family-315334987


	6. Dead-ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stealthily creeping back out of the bedroom, I hurried to the kitchen and retrieved a knife of suitable sharpness to pierce the beast’s thick hide. Sneaking back into the room, I was pleased to find my target still soundly sleeping.

Rubbing my hair with a towel and placing my best casual poker face on, I entered the dining area, where Shizu-chan had just finished setting out dinner for me. Smiling at me again (I literally could feel a rock a settle in my stomach), he pulled out a chair for me with one hand. I searched his face, studying it for any signs of subterfuge or any other clues. Yet all I could find were the honest affection and acceptance of a man in love and the glow of satisfaction of being close to his loved ones. I was truly baffled. I suppressed my hesitation and took a seat, completely discomfited at the gentlemanly way he was treating me. I’m just used to him trying to kick my ass. I had no idea what to make of a “nice” Shizu-chan. Again one handed, as he still had a baby on his other arm, he began to serve me from a couple of different dishes, finally placing the full plate in front of me. It all looked home-made - warm, traditional Japanese food. Did he cook all of this?

Was it safe to eat? I’ll admit poison wasn’t really Shizu-chan’s style but…

I watched him as he sat in the opposite chair with the child and looked at me expectantly. I stared at the plate in front of me, examining it. It looked okay, I guess. And I’ll admit, it smelled wonderful. I glanced up into brown, guileless eyes that were still watching me.

I gingerly picked up the chopsticks by the plate and tried a small bite, hoping I’d still be alive in a few minutes.

Chewed. Swallowed. Waited.

Didn’t die.

I waited a few more moments carefully observing my own bodily reactions for anything out of the ordinary before taking another bite. It was actually good. Like – really good. Okay, fine, it was delicious. But I would never have admitted that to Shizu-chan himself. The man’s cooking was great. Everything was spiced just right – even for my tastes. I began to eat in earnest, suddenly realizing how ravenous I was. Yet I couldn’t quell my feeling of uneasiness in all of this. My right leg kept bouncing with nervous tension beneath the table and I was glad Shizu-chan couldn’t see it.

“So, how’s your paper going? You must have gotten pretty wrapped up in it tonight considering how late you got coming home,” I suddenly heard a deep voice say.

Paper?

I took a breath. “Oh, you know…pretty good. Got a lot done tonight, I think,” I responded vaguely, trying not to intimate that I had no clue what he was referring to. I did recall Celty mentioning something about a paper in her text. Was it the same or something else?

“Good. Do you think you’ll be able to submit it on time?”

I nodded, “Yeah…I’m feeling pretty confident.” Okay, can we switch topics please? I could feel my anxiety levels rising.

Shizu-chan nodded in return and smiled gently, “Good, I’m glad. You’ve been working so hard on it, it would be a shame if you couldn’t submit it. I’m sure it’ll do well.” He began bouncing the baby softly on his knee causing the baby to gurgle in delight.

Lifting another mouthful of food, I wondered where he learned to cook. I could just see it in my head. “So, hey, Shizu-chan,” I start. “Where’d you learn to cook like this?” Yeah, not happening. If I wanted that piece of info it would have to be through a different route. With the Shizu-chan I knew and “loved”, I would have said it was the curse of the single and lonely man. But this Shizu-chan…?

“I’m going to put the kids to bed then I’ll be back, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” As he stepped out I breathed a soft sigh of relief. How long was I going to have to keep this up?

By the time he had returned, I was done eating and had rinsed and placed my dish in the dishwasher. Just as I was closing its door, I stiffened as I felt strong hands on my shoulders. All of my instincts kept screaming to me “danger!” “Want to watch a little TV for a bit and just relax?”

“Um…yeah, sounds good,” I said, willing myself to relax, as he began to massage my shoulders with a gentleness that surprised me.

“Want a little sake? I know you’ve had a long day,” he said, bringing out a bottle of cold sake.

“No th-actually, um, yes, thanks, I think I will.” I reflexively began to reject his offer of alcohol but suddenly recognizing my absolute favorite brand sake bottle placed in front of me – well, it had been a long day, right? Although I wondered how he knew what brand I liked…I was notoriously picky.

After pouring and handing a glass to me, Shizu-chan said with a gesture towards the couch, "Go and get comfortable. I'll just put the food away real quick."

"Yeah," I murmured, making my way over to the couch and taking a seat in front of the television. I had a hard time restraining myself from fidgeting while I waited and didn't quite succeed, pulling a pillow near me onto my lap and pulling at the fibers on the ends.

Soon enough Shizu-chan headed to the living room, glass in hand and sat beside me on the couch.

I really wish he hadn’t sat so close. He could have sat on another couch.

In another apartment.

On another planet.

Picking up the remote, he began flipping through the channels and finally picked some sitcom looking comedy show, asking me if it was all right. I couldn’t have cared less. As he put down the remote, he drew even closer next to me and placed his arm about me. I felt every muscle within me tense up upon his touch but yet again willed myself to relax. Yeesh, my willpower was getting a workout today. I took a sip of my sake, savoring the taste and hoping it would at least help ease the tension for me a bit. I glanced up at Shizu-chan next to me as he sipped his own. Did alcohol even affect the brute? And if it did, how much would he have to drink to even feel the effects with that crazy metabolism of his?

As we watched, he kept his arm around me and occasionally stroked my arm with his hand. Whenever his fingers brushed my skin, little electric tingles were left in their wake, making me feel even more uneasy. I suppressed a shiver – I couldn’t allow him to see that he was having any effect on me.

And…what was this effect anyway?

A few more episodes of whatever that I wasn’t paying much attention to came to an end. I had been too distracted to focus on the television anyway. I felt Shizu-chan shift beside me on the couch. The sake had only helped me relax by about a micrometer. I felt warm, brown eyes gazing at me and I looked up. “Shall we head to bed?”

Oh.

Right.

Reluctantly, I followed him up the stairs to the master bedroom and went through my normal nightly pre-bedtime rituals. And although I did not believe in any deities, I’ll confess I was praying right then that Shizu-chan did not sleep in the nude.

I was in bed first by the time he exited the bathroom, ready for bed. I internally sighed in relief that he was only half naked. He was shirtless but had a pair of track pants on for bottoms. At least that made this situation a little less awkward. Barely. I was laying on my right side and felt the bed dip down behind me as he got in and under the sheets.

Then a well-muscled arm snaked its way around my waist. I clenched my eyes shut.

Please don’t want to have sex. Please don’t want to have sex. Please don’t want to have sex. Just go to sleep.

I lay tensely in that deadly embrace, waiting to see if he would make any further moves, but much to my relief he didn’t. Keeping his arm loosely about me, he just stayed spooned behind me and I felt his soft breath on the back of my neck. “’Night, flea,” he murmured.

“’Night,” I replied softly.

I tensely waited until I could feel his breath even out into sleep. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep myself. I was exhausted but with all that happened and how bizarre my situation was, plus the fact that I was trapped in the arms of my worst enemy, that was not happening. How could I trust myself to fall asleep within the deathtrap surrounding me?

I began to squirm beneath the sheets to escape from those arms, which luckily were slack with sleep at the moment. If he had been conscious, there was no way I could have escaped his strength if he wanted to hold me there.

Carefully, I extracted myself from his arm and edged myself over to the side of my bed, moving as minimally as possible. I quietly sat up and dropped my feet over the edge of the bed, glancing back at Shizu-chan. Moonlight was shining through the bedroom window and was casting beams of light across the bed. They illuminated his face and torso, highlighting the angles of his jawline and the dips of his muscles.

I shifted again to rise and just as I did I heard movement from behind me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Ugh.

“Nothing, Shizu-chan. Go back to sleep.”

“You not feeling good?” he asked drowsily. Looking at him, I could see him squinting up at me in the moonlight.

“Just can’t sleep. I was just going to work for a little while until I feel drowsy,” I smiled slightly at him.

“Oh okay. Want me to sit up with you?”

“No…no…don’t worry about it. Just get some sleep. I’ll be fine, okay?” To reassure him, I patted his hand gently, suppressing my own feeling of nausea.

“K. Love you,” he mumbled before shutting his eyes.

I paused a moment just to make sure he was asleep before I tiptoed from the room and down the stairs to my office area. Time to do some investigation finally. Flipping on my computer, I found my account was password protected with something unfamiliar, so I then proceeded to quickly hack into it.

I noticed the email account was connected to Tokyo University. Again, the academia connection. Hacking into the account, I began to skim through the recent messages. There was a lot of back and forth between professors it looked like. Once again, mainly about psychology and psychiatry. I found discussions about an upcoming paper - must have been what Shizu-chan was asking me about earlier. I studied these just in case he spoke to me more about it tomorrow. The topic actually sounded fairly interesting, but I had more pressing matters to look into at the moment. Plus, my head hadn’t stopped hurting from earlier and was really beginning to pound again.

Looking through more messages, all I found was more standard academic fair. It looked like whoever I was supposed to be here was attached to Tokyo University and was a member of the psychology department. Beyond that I found nothing much that could help me out with my current situation – especially with solving how I got into it and more importantly how the hell to get out of it.

I bit my lip. Hmm, maybe the local chat rooms or forums might tell me something. Maybe somebody had noticed something in the area I was walking earlier that could give me some clues. Like maybe someone saw that freak storm that had come out of nowhere…

I suddenly heard a squeak of metal that made me freeze in my spot for a moment. I listened carefully for where that sound had come from. Had Shizu-chan followed me downstairs? Another squeak of metal made me turn in my seat trying to follow the sound. I stood slowly, cautiously studying the darkened room around me. I slowly took a step in the direction it came from when a third sound emitted. My eyes finally fell upon where the sound came from - the damn hamster cage. It was just the little furball running on his wheel. Shaking my head with a touch of annoyance at being alarmed at such a mundane thing, I returned to my seat.

I entered the URL for the Dollars forum.

And nothing. All I got was a URL error.

…

So…did that mean the Dollars didn’t even exist? Considering they were a great link to information in Ikebukuro, this was a pity.

Ok, next. I tried to see if the local chat room I used still worked. Good, I was able to access it. Except on here my screen name was not one I was familiar with – neither Kanra, or Chrome, or Nakura. 

It was Iza-mama.

Ok, that's not creative whatsoever. I am thoroughly disappointed in myself.

Logging in, I quickly scanned the room to see who was familiar. A few names I recognized yet a few I didn’t. I would have to use caution here.

Iza-mama: Hello all!

Setton: Hello, Iza-mama!

Bakyura: Sup?

Iza-mama: What’s going on tonight?

Setton: Oh, not much pretty quiet.

Ok, I didn’t care to waste time, especially because I didn’t want to blow my cover.

Iza-mama: Hey, did anyone notice anything strange happening tonight in Ikebukuro?

Baykura: Strange? Like what?

Iza-mama: I don't know. Like near any of the alleys on the way to Ikebukuro train station. Namely like, did anyone notice any freak storms or anything in that area?

Setton: Hmm, no I can’t think of anything.

Bakyura: Nope, nada.

Someone whose handle I didn’t recognize also responded in the negative. Dead end. I responded briefly then said good night and logged back off, seeing no point in hanging around on there.

Tapping the desk with one hand, I checked out a few more chat rooms and forums but kept hitting more dead ends. Nobody seemed to know anything or had seen or experienced anything strange in that area tonight. I then opened a web browser to see if there was anything in the local news or police reports. Again, dead end. Nothing.

I leaned back in my chair and stared out at the city’s skyline, feeling defeated. How is it that no one saw or felt anything tonight? Why was I the only one who ended up in this whacky and bizarre situation where my whole world was turned upside down? I dropped my head into the palm of my hand that was resting on the desk and began to massage my temples. My head was beginning to pound dangerously now and I knew it would be no use to keep staring at a computer screen right now. As it was, my vision was beginning to blur when I looked at the screen. And after all, it had been a long day – full of surprises and problems I had never anticipated – and I was very tired.

I stared reluctantly at the couch near me, sorely tempted to just crash there. But I didn’t want to give Shizu-chan any clues that something was up. I needed to just play along until I had more answers and hopefully a way back to my own familiar life. Information gathering was an art after all and art was not meant to be rushed. I was confident that things would change to my advantage eventually – after all, they always had in the past. Wearily I made my way up the stairs, trying not to stumble with exhaustion.

Stopping in the bathroom, I searched for some aspirin for my headache. After tipping out two into my palm and replacing the bottle, I noticed something odd – pre-natal vitamins. Why on earth would two men have pre-natal vitamins? Not willing to dwell on it right then, I closed the cabinet and stepped out into the bedroom.

I grit my teeth as I watched Shizu-chan sleep peacefully in the bed, moonlight still caressing his body. Totally vulnerable. What I wouldn’t do for my trusty flickblade right about now. This was the perfect time to finally off the brute. There were always kitchen knives though…

Stealthily creeping back out of the bedroom, I hurried to the kitchen and retrieved a knife of suitable sharpness to pierce the beast’s thick hide. Sneaking back into the room, I was pleased to find my target still soundly sleeping. Tip-toeing around to his side of the bed, I held my breath as I approached him. Finally, my chance! I gently laid the sharp edge of the knife against his throat ready to give a quick and precise slice through his arteries. About to apply pressure, my mind’s eye flashed to an image of the way Shizu-chan had looked earlier smiling – at me. Gritting my teeth, I tried to focus on the task at hand, but try as I might that image wouldn’t leave me. I drew in a breath as I felt myself hesitate. What was wrong with me? This was the chance I had been waiting for. Do it, Izaya. Kill him.

I couldn’t do it.

I lifted the knife from his throat, swallowing thickly and thoroughly irritated with myself. Staring at his sleeping visage, I blamed my hesitance to complete the act on my exhaustion, aching head, and being thrown into such an odd situation. I refused to think on my reasons any further.

The Shizu-chan I knew was someone who hadn’t changed very much since I first met him in high school. Years of tireless observation had told me no less. This man in front of me however – was an entirely different story, practically an unknown variable now. Where was the man known for causing uncountable amounts of damage to the city and a danger to all who surrounded him? Where were his insane outbursts – especially upon sighting my person? Instead I found this stranger who seemed almost…happy…in my presence.

After replacing the knife, I softly sat on my side of the bed and crawled beneath the covers, making sure I was edged as far from Shizu-chan as possible without falling off the bed. My head pounding, I shut my eyes, hoping tomorrow would bring me the answers I sought along with a way to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer to post than I anticipated. As I was editing, I just kept adding bits and pieces as I went. Then my health started to go downhill and I have been struggling with that and was unable to write as much as I desired. I sincerely apologize for the very long delay in posting. I hope a few of you are still interested in reading this fic.
> 
> Many thanks for all of the kudos, comments, and subscriptions/bookmarks - I really appreciate it!


	7. First Blush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My eyes fluttered open to the feel of sunshine pouring in. Morning already?

My eyes fluttered open to the feel of sunshine pouring in. Morning already? Mmm…too soon. I was not ready to greet the morning. I began to snuggle further into the covers and re-close my eyes when suddenly I realized something was pressed up against my back. My eyes flew open when suddenly I remembered – feelings of dizziness, wind and the sound of thunder out of nowhere, my home invaded by children and – Shizu-chan. 

Frowning to myself, I realized he was holding me again in those powerful arms of his. Looking down, I could see those strong arms wrapped securely about me – a firm trap. Ugh, why did he have to be so damn clingy? And – I also realized there was something warm and hard pressing against my backside.

Seriously?

Morning wood from this guy? Can things get any more annoying?

I shifted uncomfortably and felt him begin to stir behind me. His breath quickened on the nape of my neck as he began to awaken and I felt his arms around me tighten their hold. My muscles instinctively tensed feeling danger.

He nuzzled my hair, murmuring, “G’morning, lover…” I could hear the sleepy smile in his voice.

Rolling my eyes unseen, I replied, “Morning.”

He seemed like he was in a good mood but I knew that he was always a ticking time bomb ready to blow the world to bits. Plus, his fuse was significantly shorter with me. The difference between a tolerant Shizuo and a pissed off one was virtually non-existent where I was concerned. Somehow it seemed like everything I did annoyed the brute. Plus, it seemed as if he blamed everything wrong in the city and in his life on me – whether it was justified or not. All the more reason I couldn’t trust how nice he had been behaving since last night.

Truth be told, it just always seemed as if we brought out the worst in each other.

Annoying.

Needing to get away from his insistent nuzzling and afraid he’d want something more, the moment he lifted his arm off me to just gently lay it on my hip as he kissed my hair, I shifted to sit up in bed, swinging my legs over the side. Shizu-chan blinked up at me drowsily. “Aw, why you in such a hurry this morning?”

“Um, you know, have a lot to do today. With that paper and all.”

“Ah, right…too bad.” The note of disappointment in his voice only served to irritate me even more. 

Stifling the urge to roll my eyes and just nodding, I placed my feet on the floor and heard him begin to rise behind me. No, no, you can just stay in bed, you beast. As I began to head for the bath room, he stopped me by coming up from behind, wrapping his arms about my waist, and pressing himself against my back. Damn he was persistent. “Shall I join you in the shower?” he uttered in a voice pitched so low right into my ear, that an involuntary shiver ran up my spine. That nauseous feeling from yesterday began taking me over again. 

Um, no.

I tried a lighthearted chuckle. “Shizu-chan, if you do that then I’ll get an even later start, right? And won’t that make you late, too?” 

“Hmm…you’re right. Too bad…guess we’ll have to make up for it later when you’re not so busy, huh?” he said, still speaking in that low voice in my ear. Finally releasing me, I took a quick step away before he stopped me yet again with a hand on my forearm.

Ugh – what is it now?

Closing the distance between us again, he took my chin between his thumb and index fingers, tilting my head towards his face. I frowned up at him, my annoyance starting to get the better of me. “What…?”

“Aren’t you looking a little pale?” he questioned me.

Blunt as always, Shizu-chan.

“You worry too much, ne, Shizu-chan?” I said, tossing him an easy grin, realizing I needed to cover for my irritation far better than I was. Last night, I had noticed I was a little pale when I had glanced at my visage in the mirror on my hunt for aspirin. I thought nothing of it - I felt perfectly fine. Either way, this was not the time or place for me to start feeling ill. 

I refused to give importance to the strange, warm feeling in my belly the acknowledgement (even a beast!) brought to the surface, just from admitting he cared and was concerned for me. Not that I needed other people’s concern – but it felt – kind of nice…I really did not need anything like that but still…

Anyway…

Shizu-chan tilted his head a bit to the side, his gaze seeming to penetrate right through me. His doubts bled through clear as day. I inwardly squirmed, unused to having to stay still beneath that gaze. Thankfully he said nothing more about it, only uttering, “All right, just don’t work yourself too hard today, okay?”

I sighed, “Fine…I’m fine, really. Now I really should get ready. You know my boss - he’s a nice guy and all but even he has only so much patience. And you really need to get ready, too, Shizu-chan,” I finished, keeping my tone light. I hedged my bets with that boss statement, hoping I wouldn’t be caught in a lie. 

“Yeah, I know…” Shizu-chan muttered in that pathetic tone of disappointment, “You’re right.” There were a few tense moments of silence where I wondered if he was ever going to let me go. “Hey…I’m really proud of you, you know that, right?”

I felt myself nearly choke. I forced myself to smile up at him with no idea what he was referring to – yet feeling that uncomfortable warm feeling in my belly. Unable to hold that ever direct gaze of gaze of his I let my eyes wander hoping I wasn’t also flushing – damn my pale coloring! A random thought came to me – funny how that happens – Shinra would just love how thrown off I was feeling by Shizu-chan right about now and would have thoroughly exulted if I was caught blushing because of something he had said to me. 

I glanced out the large windows of my bedroom that overlooked the expanse of Shinjuku. The park my apartment overlooked wasn’t crowded right now since it was so early. Some detached part of myself took in the reddish orange glow the park had from the early morning sun. The inhabitants of Shinjuku would barely be eating their breakfast at this hour – the sidewalks and streets were only beginning to fill with people who were leaving the comfort of their homes and beginning their workdays. 

Pulling my attention back to the problem at hand, I began to pull away from Shizu-chan, “Thanks…” I managed to mumble.

Suddenly I felt a tug on my arm again. Yet, although it could and probably should have been one that could have injured me, it was surprisingly gentle. “Hey, why are you so squirmy, huh? You haven’t let me hold you at all since yesterday morning. What’s up?”

“You got to hold me last night in bed.” For way too long I might add!

“We were falling asleep; that doesn’t count. I mean REALLY hold you. You keep running away from me.”

Don’t sound so wounded Shizu-chan. That’s what I always do. That’s our nature. 

“I just…” I paused, thinking fast, “Well, I have been feeling a bit queasy you know.” Not a lie, actually. 

Shizu-chan pursed his lips and frowned at me. “You need to take it easy – you’re pushing yourself too much. You know what Shinra said. You need to take it easy right now.” 

“Okay, okay I – oof – “Suddenly I was pulled into the circle of Shizu-chan’s arms, embraced by strong arms and immeasurably warm body heat. I felt my brain short circuit temporarily. I swallowed thickly. “I’ll be careful, ne?” 

“ ‘Kay,” Shizu-chan mumbled, finally loosening his hold on me.

Pulling away, I quickly headed to the bathroom where after closing the door behind me, I locked it in relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the comments/kudos/ and subscriptions - it means a lot to me!


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